Rainbow Bridge

It’s been nearly a month now since Shadow had his seizure. Looking back, I am very grateful that it happened when both Logan and I were home with him on that fateful Sunday evening. In fact, not only were we home, we were both within feet from him – me in the doorway and Logan in the den. I realize now that if it would have happened while we were at out or even upstairs by dad, we would never have really understood what had taken place. It’s funny how such afterthoughts can bring comfort during sad times.

On Monday, we had left Shadow with our trusted vet for overnight observation. It was on Tuesday, when this story starts. I had shared with my boss Carol our ordeal. Being a serious dog-lover, Carol reminded me as I stood in her doorway on the way out, to do be strong and prepare for this difficult decision that may lie ahead. (Carol and I have worked together soon to be 18 years and have very few filters within our communications.) I looked directly at her and said, “I’m not worried. I’ll have a sign when it’s time.” And within in one breathe and a hushed “oh my Gosh – look!” There over Carol’s head was a rainbow. I have never, I repeat never, seen a rainbow in Manhattan. Carol turned and said, “Well, there’s your sign - it’s Rainbow Bridge.” I was unfamiliar with Rainbow Bridge. Carol immediately googled it and printed it out for me to read.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together ~Author Unknown

As you may have read on a previous post, Shadow went on to live two more weeks. We had some good and grateful moments and memories in this short time. And when it was time, I knew it with every ounce of my heart, soul, and mind, as did Shadow. Both of us had taken the time to say good-bye to each other during these precious weeks. Logan too had the time he needed to accept the inevitable.

I’ll end this story with today’s discovery. Working from home, I finally called over to the pet crematorium to set up a time to pick up Shadow’s ashes. Now, I had been in contact with the crematorium three times and never knew them as anything other than the pet crematorium people. You could have knocked me over with a feather (or rather large pillow filled with feathers) when the woman gave me directions to this industrial area and said the name on the awning is…wait for it…Rainbow Bridge.

Now, a logical person would say it’s a marketing gimmick. Embracing my inner beliefs and holding on tight to my intuition and knack of seeing signs, it was much, much more than that. Maybe tonight, I will be able to sleep after saying out loud, “good night Shadow, I love you” without tears on my pillow. For years, this was how I ended my days each night with Shadow at the foot of my bed. Maybe one day it will turn to a quiet whisper, then maybe a thought, and finally a gentle memory.

Flipping Rooms

As posted at the start of summer, we are flipping around our rooms. The master bedroom is becoming the large Family Room. Logan's small bedroom is becoming my personal haven. Our sunlit den is becoming Logan's lair. Within the next two weeks, two of the three rooms will be complete. It is such a renewing process.

This being my childhood home makes it that much closer to my heart. Let me further explain. Some friends do not understand the downsizing of my sleeping rooms, I'm embracing it. After 15 years looking up at the same ceiling area, I'm moving only 15 feet or so north. I believe that once I look up at the new ceiling, I may find the comfort in this ceiling as it was both mine and Logan's nursery rooms. Welcome back nostalgia!

Now in Logan's case, his new lair will be a room of convenience to him. It's the other side of the house & central to our day time living. No longer is his bedroom hidden at the back of the house away from every day living. He will be off the kitchen, dining room, and living room. In other words, he can hunker down in there and choose to be part of family living or just close his door and enjoy his hide away.

So as the final steps of painting, new flooring, and new beds take place, I look forward to rolling up my sleeves and finishing the last room of my post-divorce home. I find it apropos that the final redo is turning the master bedroom into the perfect family room. Ten years after the demise of my marriage...my time has finally arrived. I embrace our immediate family and finally understand that our family of two is as perfect as a family with both parents and the two or three children I had dreamed about as a child.

Surviving High School

So far so good. Nobody has stolen Logan's lunch money. Nobody has stuffed him in a locker. Nobody has knocked books out of his hands. Nobody has forced him "try a smoke."

Okay, it's only Day Three, but I've seen one too many teen movies depicting high school as four years of hell. My own high school experience was fine. Never had detention. No fights. Nothing haunting me. Some fleeting feelings of inadequacy which I chalk up to normal, healthy adolescence growing pains.

This year, I'm happy to say that Logan has six male teachers out of his eight teachers. Hoping this smorgasbord of testosterone models a variety of male characteristics that Logan can mimic and maybe some traits he chooses to deflect. Keep in mind that Logan has minimal male influence in his daily life.

Another plus is that this means I get to have a speed date with these men when it comes to Parent/Teacher night. That's when you get four minutes with each teacher for some one-on-one time. Of course, it's all about Logan, right?!? Right. Let me bring this post back to Logan...

Logan has friends, plus a couple ex-GFs, in almost all his classes. Ironically, he was seated next to one of his ex-GFs who is a grade older, but this should have been expected since he does take some advanced classes. He's enjoying lunch with his three good friends. A little icing on the cake is that one of his teachers was his tech teacher from last year. Hopefully, familiarity brings comfort not contempt. Sad to say that is the one class that has soured his first week just a tiny bit. A senior told him and his other two friends "you look stupid." Now tell me, what does that even mean? Knowing this teacher, he'll squelch that sort of behavior if it becomes a common occurrence. And if not, it means I can request a teacher conference if needed.{{{wink - wink}}}

As Day Three plays out, let's remember as Mike Dooley says "thoughts become things." And I think it's going to be a great year for student and student's mom.

POST SCRIPT: Two weeks of school have almost concluded and there is peace in the valley. No issues with any upperclassman. Freshman Friday was gentle to him and he now knows about 26 upperclassman from that Tech class. Whew!

Summer's End

Tomorrow is the unofficial close of summer. Pools, parks, and beaches close. School begins. Traffic gets heavier. Air conditions quiet down. To some this might be sad, but I find myself excited to greet the fall season.

Logan begins High School on Tuesday and is more than ready for this school. After swimming at the pool for the past three years, he is very familiar with the public areas such as the cafeteria, the gym, the restrooms, the pool, the library and the hang-out-between-classses-area known as the Commons. He also knows enough upperclassmen to give him the comfort of belonging. Add to all this that he is expected to be on the Varsity Swim team, and it looks like an exciting freshman year for him.

Now as for me, it's my time. The summer was very busy work wise and also home-project wise. I am looking forward to continuing working at home three days a week but shutting down at 5pm. Hoping to put some of the long days of overtime to rest for now. This will allow me a more normal night life. I guess I see the fall as a time of more downtime for me than the busy summer days and nights. (Just wait until winter when I can just snuggle in a blanket and hibernate.)

Other than the loss of Shadow, this has been a great summer and no regrets. We played, danced, sang, worked, swam, ate, partied, and celebrated...who needs summer for that. Welcome autumn! Hayrides, hot cider, Halloween parties, fall festivals...hello fall!

Hot, Hot, Hot....Florida That Is!

It was time for Logan's annual visit to Florida to visit Joanie (his grandmother formerly known as Omi) and Rudi. This year, Logan traveled with his buddy Kevin, for a 10-day visit. Within a week, i was there for my portion of the visit, that being only 4 days.

In my short time, we hit the beach, Sarasota's artsy boutiques, watched the boys go off on their segway tour, swam, jacuzzi-ed, shopped, movies, sat, talked, talked, and talked. This was the first time that the boys had spent so much time together. I think they did great and quickly recognized that they needed some "alone time" or maybe "away from each other time." And...to each boys' relief, this time was well received.

Now, I began this post with the title "hot,hot,hot..." and it was. After waiting a lonnng time in Burger King for four refreshing milk shakes, it finally dawned on me. Everybody thinks NYers visiting Florida are rude. We are not rude, we are just really, really hot.

As I finish this post in my cool, comfy bed, I hear the humming of my A/C overhead and smile to myself as I throw a blanket over my legs. Ahhh! or maybe Brrrr! sums it up. Happy to have gone. Happy to be home.

My Shadow

Two weeks and a day after his seizure, Logan and I had to say good-bye to our sweet puppy. We had hoped that he would slowly get better or at least be around much longer in a slower fashion. This did not happen.

Shadow had seemed to improve each day before I left for Florida to catch up with Logan and his buddy Kevin at mom and Rudi's. Daily phone calls to the vet, where he was boarded for the first time ever, were more encouraging then I had expected. Truthfully, whenever I asked "how is Shadow today?", I'd get the response "He's doing good." "Really?" "Yes, he's doing good."

Logan and I raced off to the vet as soon as we returned from the airport last Friday. Knowing that Shadow would slip and slide on the vet's linoleum floor from excitement when he saw us, they took him out the backdoor to the grassy area for our reunion. I was surprised and concerned when Shadow barely glanced at us and simply pulled gently on the leash that had been handed to me. He seemed to be almost shell-shocked.

Saturday was an okay day for him and us as we prepared for Hurricane Irene and secured our backyard items and prepared in the home as well. That evening, he seemed uncomfortable but Reiki really seemed to calm him into a nice deep, lethargic sort of state. As the hurricane came and went, Shadow and I had a bad night that Sunday. With no power at our home or at the Animal Hospital, I held off from my 4:00am call until later that afternoon. Finally, I connected with our vet who also had no power.

It was time.

Logan and I laid on the floor with Shadow and with my arms around him, my whispers in his ear about love and gratitude for our time with him, and with Logan in Shadow's vision, he is gone...but never to be forgotten.

"Me and my Shadow
Strolling down the avenue
Oh, me and my Shadow..."

Reiki and Shadow

Out of the blue this past Sunday, our soon-to-be 11 yr old dog Shadow had a seizure as he began to eat dinner. Logan and I comforted him (didn't realize that we should stand back until it passed) and then sat with him throughout the night. After observation at the vet over the next day and a half, I took him home to be with us. As the days passed, he seemed to get stronger. Strong enough that the idea of putting him down was removed and the need to treat him with Reiki grew.

Whenever I would do Reiki on somebody, be it upstairs or downstairs out of Shadow's vision, he would whine and shift in place when he saw me. Anytime I would reach out to touch him directly, he would pull away. Since Reiki can only exist with a willing recipient, I would not pursue him. I would from a distance of about 3-4 feet and reach out to him which was agreeable to him.

Now as soon as he went down with his seizure, I began to Reiki him to just bring him comfort. Logan and Dad looked on at me - slightly amused (dad) and slightly annoyed (Logan) as I did it. The vibration was there and a strong heat by his stomach. Sure enough, he has a mass in his stomach as the $160 X-Rays showed the next day.

Once he returned home, each night I sat with him and took a few minutes to reach out to him. Direct contact made him uncomfortable, but scanning my hands over him relaxed him greatly. The purpose of Reiki (God's Energy / Universal Energy) is to reduce stress and let the energies within flow. I never felt more connected to Reiki until now.

As a newer practitioner, I understand that until you experience it for yourself, it sounds a bit 'out there.' Good news, enough of my friends and colleagues have had good experiences that I am able to quietly take in the wonder of Reiki.

Looking forward to visiting my #1 recipient Rudi. It's been a few months, and I cannot wait for his critiquing. The nicest thing I was told, and by him, was that he couldn't describe the feeling. It was just like being in a cloud of my love wrapping around him from head to toe. What could be nicer than such a feeling? So I end with "Got Reiki?"

Post Script: It is nearly one month later. Reiki became a very comforting part of Shadow's hospice care. He'd lay at the foot of the bed panting each night. (This panting was a result of the anemia's effect to his oxygen levle.) I would rest above him on the bed and direct the Reiki over his body. Within minutes, the panting would subside, and he would go into a very relaxed state.