I'm Stuck!

Okay "I'm not stuck" but food is now getting stuck more often then ever. I had my last fill a month ago today and I have since discovered I can no longer eat bagels, pizza, chicken fingers, carrots, and hamburgers. Mind you I am not going out of my way buying, making, or eating this. I am plate cleaning...Logan's plate. One day he had some pizza left on the crust and I really felt like a taste. Well - one bite, two bite, three...no more! Luckily for this carbaholic my body no longer allows me which is the tool doing it's trick.

My next fill (8/22) will hopefully bring me to the sweet spot where the final step is the feeling of fullness. I still do not feel full when I eat. I just lose the desire to eat.

At this point I'm down 41 lbs. Interestingly enough I no longer weigh myself every day. It is such a yo yo when I do that. I can sometimes gain/lose 4 lbs. in one day but at the end of the week I've only maintained. I know that exercise is the key but finding the time and the comfort level (soooo hot!!!) does not motivate me to rush to it.

I've been playing with weight loss in the 30s for nearly three months and cannot wait to bring it up in the 40s. Reading various websites and from the materials I was given at the support meetings, I know that I'm on target. Who'd have thought that they (the doctors) really know what they're talking about?

As I explained to my mom since I know that I'm not doing anything "bad" and see that it's been over 4 months since pre-op diet began, I've learned to be happy with the average of 10 lbs. a month. I figure if I'm lucky enough to keep this up -- and add more exercise -- in another two months I'll finally feel it.

So slow and steady is the pace that I am finally forced to take.

The Karate Kid

"Grasshopper...it is time to move up to Yellow Belt."

After spending an hour in the dojo, Logan moved up from white belt to yellow belt in his Shaolin Kempo Karate class. Proud Mama here was very excited to see how great he looked as he went through various moves, maneuvers, stances, poses, and defenses.

The testing of the Juniors (7-12 years) took one hour and began with jumping jacks, push ups and other warm-up exercises and then went into the various karate activities. One example front roll (or back roll) on a floor mat and jump up into a defense pose...otherwise risk getting bopped on the head by Sensei Nick who was at the end of the mat. Another example is lining up to face the Sensei and break free of a grip while bringing him down. All activities stress self-defense and disabling the attacker.

The funniest part was what a quiet group they are. In a previous post I explained how that the word "kia" {pronounced as KEY-YA}tightens up the stomach but I also learned it moves the organs to a different part of the body as well as announce to the world that you are being attacked. Going back to the funny part...there were only 2-3 kids who spoke it loud so Master Kadir gave them a gentle warning that he needed to hear all of them or there would be push ups for all. Throughout the hour they must have done 5-7 extra sets of push ups. Lots of groans from the students and laughter from the parents resulting in a few more kias here and there.

At the end and after the cool-down Master Kadir congratulated the nine students on moving up belt levels. There were many different colors being shown as this group of Juniors was mixed. Different belts had different stances and goals to reach.

It was a great experience for Logan. His jumping jacks were high. His push ups were deep. His running in place unbelievably fast, high knee-ed, with hands protecting face the whole time. His kias were quiet BUT his kicks and punches were loud, hard, and fast. I felt sorry for the young man -- who was a head taller than Logan -- who had to hold up the kick/boxing pad for Logan. He looked amazing!

Congratulations Logan! You are my favorite Karate Kid!

Now let's bring my blog back to me. I almost sat next to Bill but he was saving a seat for Betsy. So I took the other empty seat in the front row one (last one) next to that seat. Hence, my seat mate was Betsy. Only wish I had a pedicure since I had to take off my shoes in the dojo. Otherwise I was told that I look great and lost so much weight. That by Betsy. I was also told Logan's getting a haircut. This told by Bill. I asked him not to short and typical Bill - "did I say short?" Ugh! Why can we not have a normal toned or simply even toned conversation. Oh, well! This is who we are.

"Can you hear me now?"

Today was another day of cell-fish behavior by me, Logan, and Zach. Today Zach got his new phone - The LG Chocolate Blue Ice. So there we were...again...texting, photoing, videoing, ringing, musicing, and I think one of us actually may have used it to make a phone call.

The boys had their bowling league this afternoon and enjoyed themselves. While they were bowling I became a little engrossed in texting Jen at work. Suddenly a mom called out to me and said "Karen, your baby got hurt." I smiled at her and said that I didn't have a baby. When I looked up to see the hurt toddler...I see Logan grabbing his ankle. You're kidding me right?!? Who gets hurt bowling? Yes, that's right...Logan-who-steps-into-the-ball gets hurt. No black and blues - yet. A hug, some attention and a little ice and we're all better. Hmmm! Did I ever return that text to Jen?

We went on to the library where Logan signed off on his third book (it's only been three weeks since he began) and got his weekly toy plus a free lunch bookmark for Friendly's. So far he's gotten free bowling, free Chili's lunch, and a puzzle. I too am in the book club and am ahead of Logan by one book. Though I'm cheating. I'm in a Danielle Steel mode - just the easy reading I like in the summer.

Ending our afternoon at Karate with Zach getting ready to sign up as well. Logan will be tested on Saturday for the next step as a yellow belt. More to follow on Saturday.

Happy Birthday Dear Logan!

Eleven years and one day later I am sitting here in my almost new kitchen (still waiting on counter top and microwave installation) and remembering how blessed I was sitting in the hospital holding my little boy.

It has been an eventful time for us these past days. Logan has an impromptu time with Vinny, Christopher, and Charlie on Friday - it was kind of backwards - and continued celebrating all the way through the weekend.

On Sunday he went to spend 24 hours with his dad and Betsy. I understand he got an awesome 24-speed bike and helmet. So glad to see him getting into biking. I think Mom & Rudi can appreciate that. Note to self: lose weight, strengthen knee, and give it a try next year.

Logan returned to me and Nu Papa at 4pm on actual birthday and then went on to celebrate an absolutely perfect night with his buddy Zach. Logan was surprised (or not so surprised) with a Juke cell phone that Nu Papa gave him. He loved it. Logan, Zach, & I went to Dave & Busters for dinner and arcade style games. The whole time at the table we texted back & forth to each other. Zach already had a phone and I have my new one (we did a family plan) - lots of fingers flying. After playing through 200 tokens the lucky guys found a card with 99 tokens on it. I insisted they turn it in but was told to come back in 15 minutes. If it wasn't claimed...it was theirs. It wasn't claimed. It was theirs. We came home to enjoy some late night ice-cream cake and settle down for a sleep over.

It was real nice this year not having a big party for him. I think he also really got a kick out of the gifts he got. No chachki gifts - all quality and limited quantity. Beside the phone and phone holder he got gifts from me - a Ripstick Skateboard and helmet and new sneakers. He was so grateful and has been on the phone & on the board on and off since then. It was truly lovely to spend time with him. Zach sweetly said several times "I'm having a great time!" So glad to see he enjoyed himself as well.

Very excited to see kitchen coming together. should be done by next week. Cannot wait! In fact, this weekend I can put things away finally. Wahoo!!!

Off to Kelly's for some Girls Nite Only time.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Today is the 5th anniversary since Bill officially walked out this door. I remember that day quite well and find it interesting that Logan does too. I didn't mention today what it was to Logan but in the past he commented on this day. His memory is that him and I were volleying a balloon back and forth as Bill came up from the basement with a long yellow box in his hand and left the house. Logan is actually remembering the last 5-minutes literally. He does not remember what happened before that moment but he does not have to know. The good news was that I did not have to be aware of my every move, comment, action, non-action, etc. any more. Bill disappeared for two-three days; I'm thinking more like three days but I knew he was at Betsy's one-month old apartment only six blocks away. Nice,huh?! I don't need to remember all that but it does come back as a memory. Five years later and I survived.

The nice part of today's anniversary is that so much has improved for me. During the whole ordeal of living together while going through this ugliness (tapped phone lines, CPS, no money, threatened custody suit) I was able to remind myself three things:

1) what goes around comes around
2) the world rights itself
3) it's not my place to judge

And then my dear Omi reminded me at the end of every conversation "Du bist ein starkes Frau!" "You are a strong woman!"

Today I celebrate owning the house with my bank, raising Logan with the daily ethics I want him to embrace, being in charge of myself and doing what I please, and freedom to be me. I also share some sad times of loneliness, loss of emotional support, and a bit of financial in-security. Looking back Bill did not offer me so much in these areas but now I'm forced to realize it and am working through all.

I go forward with 40 lbs. less of me and 250 lbs. less of conditional love. Remember Ich bin ein starkes frau! I never forget that.

Happy Anniversary to me!

Pool Daze

Today I took Zach & Logan to Wantagh Park Pool. This place is amazing. They have six different pools. Logan uses four of them - the diving pool, the slide pool, the interactive pool (see photo - click on photo for a better view), the regular pool. We never used the baby pool which is about 6" high and no longer use the toddler pool - an old favorite.

The boys had so much fun running from one pool to another and playing with other boys in the various pools. Logan recognized a boy from his bus and Zach knew somebody from baseball. While they swam, I did about 10-12 laps via my crawl method and then sat to enjoy another Danielle Steele book.

The lifeguards at this pool are unbelievable. They rotate out every 20 minutes and have a great response system. Twice today two not-so-good-swimmers (younger kids - all fine) had the whistle blown in the diving pool. Three sharp whistles means "all hands on deck" and then the lifeguard jumps in the pool as the floater/walk-around lifeguards all run to help at that pool. None of the assigned lifeguards leave their posts so the rest of the pools remain safe. It is because of this great team of lifeguards that I can relax and sit at a central point where I can see the four Logan pools.

We actually closed the pool. Logan & Zach were the last ones in the water until I reminded them that the lifeguards wanted to go home too. On the way home I bet the boys that they'd be sound asleep by 9pm. Logan thought he'd last longer to about 10pm. The winner was 9:04pm. Logan was out like a light!

It was a classic summer day that will go down as a very happy memory. Gotta love the summer!

Happy Birthday Karen K!

Happy Birthday to a dear friend who is there when you need her! Wishing you a great day and a year filled with great wins in the casinos!

Love ya!

Karen

Annual "4th of July" Party

It's taken me a good day to recover from another great July 4th party. For years we enjoyed this day at our dear friend The Licata's home. Three years ago we transferred the party to Tina's cousin Kim's home in Commack. What a lovely home and fabulous salt water in-ground pool plus plenty of yard for the kids to play in.

We all bring a couple of trays (I do two trays of brownies) plus chip in money for fireworks. Logan and I timed it that we arrived when Kelly & her crew did. (Michele always celebrates this day with her family for their annual BBQ.) Usually the entire Licata clan goes which can be up to 15 adults and 15 children - this year not all were in attendance. Considering I know this family since I was born it's very nice for me to see so many of them which keeps some old Pine Street memories alive.

As usual, Logan arrived in his bathing suit & jumped right in after playing pack mule for me and carrying all our bags in. (The bags are filled with extra towels, more bathing suits, food, camera, bug spray, and whatever else I'll need for this "day trip" to the country.) I played lifeguard for a short time and then sat to catch up with old friends.

As the day went on we had a great barbecue which included the second year in a row a BBQ grill fire. Not too worry - burgers & dogs were saved! I munched on cold shrimp and nuts as an appetizer and later enjoyed two pieces of sausage and a scoop of beans. I did try to have a bite of soft cake in the evening and once again discover that that sort of food is out of my life. It just sits there -ugh! Luckily fruit goes right down so I can still enjoy a nice snack. I was told that moderation is the key but I'm actually glad that I can't enjoy bread/cakes. There is no temptation when it is laced with pain. So maybe shock therapy would have been a cure for me years earlier; I consider this choke therapy and that is quite successful!

Kerry came to join us in the evening after we had a few boughts of rain. The kids began the evening festivities with sparklers. We then gathered chairs on the great front lawn and sat in a drizzling rain enjoying 30 minutes of some great fireworks. (Thanks to the folks who drove to PA for them - much appreciated!)

Another great year for all...hopefully next year Bill lets Logan join us again. He's actually been very decent over the past years and allowed him to join in the fun.

14 Years and Where Did It Go?

It was July 4, 1994 when Bill and I got married in Montego Bay, Jamaica. So much has happened in that time. We bought a house, had a son, adopted a homeless cat, and got a new dog. Those were the positive things. We also gained weight (average 10 lbs a year - me / 5 lbs for him), got divorced, got engaged (him), broke the engagement (her...my theory), and got into debt. The only monumental thing that we have to show from this day 14 years ago is Logan...and he is worth it all!

Seems like July is Bill's time for change. We got married (2x for those who remember), bought a house, had a child, left his home and family (five years on July 10th), and his latest July change -- he's a bachelor once again.

Now as I prefer to be positive, there have been many wonderful changes for me since our marriage ended. I live with my lovely little boy, I own a house with my bank, I work at a wonderful, flexible job that I love, I have more friends then I did back then, and now I am happy to say down 40 lbs. These are just a few of the things.

Looking over the past five years my greatest lesson comes from what my mother has taught me. You deal with what your dealt the best way possible and sometimes you win. I've learned from other loved ones that sometimes you lose but hopefully that teaches me to treasure what I have.

Our week began with some ups and downs for poor Logan. He joined a summer program that had some not so nice children in it. Realizing my guy is not an angel I look at it with cautious eyes. And I did see he did not deserve the ridiculing and comments that were directed to him. After a conversation with the director of this program it seems that things are better. In fact, yesterday -- only three days later -- Logan was last man standing in dodge ball representing his group and this time he was cheered and encouraged. (Amazingly he still found a way to put a negative spin on this but we're working on that.)

Another up - the pool was opened and quite clear compared to previous years. The down - the filter is broke. I'm waiting to see if I can get a refurbished motor for a low cost otherwise "Auf Wiedersehen Pool!" We've already decided to ditch it at the end of the season. Since Logan and I have discovered the Wantagh Park Pool, we are ready to be public pool people. It will save me money and I can reclaim my backyard.

We're off to an annual July 4th party at Tina's cousin Kim's house. Should be lots of fun!

Keep safe!