Happy Anniversary to Me!

Today is the 5th anniversary since Bill officially walked out this door. I remember that day quite well and find it interesting that Logan does too. I didn't mention today what it was to Logan but in the past he commented on this day. His memory is that him and I were volleying a balloon back and forth as Bill came up from the basement with a long yellow box in his hand and left the house. Logan is actually remembering the last 5-minutes literally. He does not remember what happened before that moment but he does not have to know. The good news was that I did not have to be aware of my every move, comment, action, non-action, etc. any more. Bill disappeared for two-three days; I'm thinking more like three days but I knew he was at Betsy's one-month old apartment only six blocks away. Nice,huh?! I don't need to remember all that but it does come back as a memory. Five years later and I survived.

The nice part of today's anniversary is that so much has improved for me. During the whole ordeal of living together while going through this ugliness (tapped phone lines, CPS, no money, threatened custody suit) I was able to remind myself three things:

1) what goes around comes around
2) the world rights itself
3) it's not my place to judge

And then my dear Omi reminded me at the end of every conversation "Du bist ein starkes Frau!" "You are a strong woman!"

Today I celebrate owning the house with my bank, raising Logan with the daily ethics I want him to embrace, being in charge of myself and doing what I please, and freedom to be me. I also share some sad times of loneliness, loss of emotional support, and a bit of financial in-security. Looking back Bill did not offer me so much in these areas but now I'm forced to realize it and am working through all.

I go forward with 40 lbs. less of me and 250 lbs. less of conditional love. Remember Ich bin ein starkes frau! I never forget that.

Happy Anniversary to me!