My Hardest Post Written

I'm not in the mood to write, but think I need to in order to move on. Last Thursday, October 13, 2011, my father passed away in our home. The weeks prior to his passing were difficult for him as he was unable to sleep, enjoy food, simply put, very uncomfortable.

It is only now that I look back that I realize this was longer than the three weeks I remembered. I think I can now recognize that during the hurricane on August 28th that his health was on a downward spiral.

Having said this, I think that Dad was tired. Tired of not being able to stop smoking, tired of being at the mercy of his body, and even too tired to fight anymore.

Logan and I are left with many memories as we had lived together for eight years. Dad, or Papa as Logan called him, became the day-to-day father figure. This loss is so new that Logan has not even begun to grieve.

Me...I cry often. I cried when I reached for phone when checking in for work. I cried when Logan was playing XBox and I couldn't steal away a visit with dad. I cried when I realized he was alone when he passed.

I also smiled and laughed. I smiled at Logan when the police honor guard stepped before us. I laughed when I found a diary with only a few entries started in 2007. I laughed when I saw newspapers piling up on stairs as I can't yet cancel his subscription.

Over the next weeks, I'll fill in some blanks that I just can't write down. Yet.

"Dad, I love you always no matter what...here or there...you are my Home!"